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I live this life just to bear these scars..... [entries|friends|calendar]

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[17 Jul 2005|12:22pm]
just blame it all on me......
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maybe im just selfish.. [11 Jun 2005|10:17pm]
so i was reading someones blog thing on myspace and it was about how theres always someone out there thats thinking about you thats missing you and blahblah and so on..
but the depressing thing is its probably not person that your thinking about, probably the nerdy horny zitball that sitts next to you in history class. who cares whos thinking, unless its the person that your dreaming about and wasting valuable time daydreaming about
.i say screw it.
im sure im in the back of someones mind...but not that one guy i want
sad thing is that i thought he did, i mean right up until my damn surgery i hungout with you unstoppable..well 3 days straight--which is good enough for me.
and guess what?
havent talked to you since you took my out to lunch on sunday.
thanks alot fucker
i had fucking intense bone breaking surgery you fuck!!!
and i dont even get a call to see how i doing?
i could be fucking dead right now..and your probably out getting drunk with all you friends.....with the thought of me never crossing your mind.
HA HA maybe im just insane and the vicodin is driving my head crazy, which is a possible....
but i at least thought you cared, at least a little bit.
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[14 May 2005|11:33pm]
im so sick of this place, everythings driffing away that was once close to me...and i think its time to leave. im moving away for the summer...no reason to stay
santa barabra babbbby...
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[24 Apr 2005|08:50pm]
hit me with a fucking "WHABAM"
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[17 Apr 2005|01:03am]
[ mood | awake ]

ive tried to put a block on this part of my life, and so far it has seemed to work for me, until right now, its extremely vivid once again.

i dont get it.
i dont like it.

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[28 Mar 2005|03:59pm]
your to good to me, its weirding me out.
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lind-SAY [13 Mar 2005|12:45pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

hehe hes been in san diego for 2 days....and he called me when he got there to tell me he made it safely....and hes called me 3 times since that..
haha.i love it.
it makes me happy, when everything esle is up in shit right now, its nice to take a break from the bitterness and smile and feel good inside, even if it is for a short portion of the day.
i cant wait till he gets back, i wanna see him:)

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[07 Mar 2005|08:47pm]
i wish people would have more respect for themsevles, instead of doing dirty things in dirty places....kinda groses me out to think i was with someone like that, makes me feel nasty
ugh i hate dealing with this, just makes me feel like shit. i know i shouldnt care because no person should have to put up with this,but it just makes me sad to think i put so much of myself into this one person just to get hurt in the end, and to hear that he never even cared during the whole time we were together. thanks alot, that would have been some valuable information a year ago, before i gave up so much for you to try and help you.i cared about you so much, and know you pushed that away.
oh yeahh im a bad cook too..i guess that was supposed to make me feel bad also.
sorry for being such a horrible person to you.
and oh yeah after this entry im making it FRIENDS ONLY....since all these ever do is cause extremely bitchy messages on my phone at 4 in the morning... so have a wonderful life and find better things to do then make my horrible:)
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[01 Mar 2005|11:41pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

i love that nervous butterfly feeling you give me
you make me smile, which is something i havent done in forever
hehe i feel like a little girl with a crush....

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all i wanted was flowers [27 Feb 2005|11:45am]
HAHA yeahhhhh...... so what do you know? birhtday always end up the same, i always end up crying, cuz the ones i care about the most fuck you over, yay!!! and its only 11;30 n the morning, what a great start to whats supposed to be my special day...........
well i guess things can only get better...or is it worse?
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[19 Feb 2005|05:43pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

talk about a drunkfest full of drama....night that went to shit.

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[02 Feb 2005|08:00pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

i hate that i waste so many tears over you.
i wish it would all just stop.

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[31 Jan 2005|12:23pm]
a kibby.....how low can you fucking go...
well there goes that year and a half of my life.
guess it didnt mean as much to you as it did me.
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[12 Jan 2005|10:36pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Some lies last a lifetime
They keep our diaries hidden
They don't let the whispers slip
Between the cracks of the bathroom stalls
Or be written on the bathroom walls....

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wellllll this is the new year. [31 Dec 2004|09:51pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

i was just thinking about last new years eve...
i was still friends with that megan person, and i have this vague memory of this guy smashing a christmas ordainment over his head and smearing the blood allover his body...and when the countdown finally came i was holding adams head up trying to kept him from passing out...but before the 3, 2, 1 happy new year part came, i was pasted out myself.
hmm..... quiet a change from this new years.
goodnight everyone
im going to sleep.
2 hours before the new year la la laaaaaa

5 comments|post comment

[27 Dec 2004|10:38pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

im starting to realize that in a couple days that the fimilar lonely silence that lurks in my house will soon come back to haunt me.
my oldest sisters going back to spain to be with her columbian boyfriend...
and the other is also going to visit her mailman boyfriend in huntington beach.exciting.
ohwell gotta snap back into reality sooner or later.

I wake alone
and pretend that I am finally home...

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[20 Dec 2004|08:21pm]
[ mood | bored ]

so im grounded.but i dont think it really matters if i am or not, because my parents wouldnt let me hangout with my friends anyways. since the incident recently, no more trinki. and my dad thinks wills a drunk, so there goes him. HA. this is lame, i just wish i could move away.... i wanna go to school in some far off place, away from everything exspeically my dad because im just an embarrassment here, and a disappointment to this family.
merry christmas, my ass

at least i got to see this "kiddo" today...

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[06 Dec 2004|10:35pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

i got attacked and body slammed by some crazy man in a camo-hat.
i got on pinky finger stuck in between to tubs of icecream at work.
and i burnt tongue on my tomato soup.
meh, the rain is so depressing, makes everything go wrong.

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[05 Dec 2004|01:28pm]
[ mood | meh ]

It was the sweetness of your skin
It was the hope of all we might have been
That fills me with the hope to wish
Impossible things
To wish impossible things

But now the sun shines cold
And all the sky is grey
The stars are dimmed by clouds and tears
And all I wish
Is gone away

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[26 Nov 2004|03:32pm]
[ mood | curious ]

so im thinking i need a new hair style,new hair color,new something.i need a change.i was thinking kept the dark brown, and maybe put a big streak of blond in the front and a couple small ones all around,meehh i dunooooo......if any one has any ideas, tell me i need help.

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